Community Guidlines

We are not here to impress each other. We’re here to show up, as we are, in all the complexity and messy we tend to conceal.

Please leave your mask at the door, along with your social media personae.

This is a space for the tender parts of yourself. For the ones in process. It’s for the people who feel too much or not enough, and who are tired of performing.

We gather here because pretending is exhausting and connection is medicine.

Even in a soft space, we need clear lines. Not to control the conversation or the trajectory of the group, but to keep this room safe enough to exhale in. For everyone.

Read these. Let them land. If you can get behind them then settle in, and let’s get to know each other for real.

You are so welcome here. I’ve saved you a seat.

Guidelines

1. Kindness doesn’t mean politeness.

This space runs on fierce kindness, not fake niceness, or toxic positivity. Be honest. Be real. But don’t be a jerk about it.
No cruelty, superiority, or side-eyeing pain. If you can’t hold compassion for others’ pain, and respond to people with empathy, this isn’t the space for you.
We can’t measure another’s pain against our own. Everyone’s worst day is their worst day.
Scroll on if you can’t access the kind part of yourself to respond. That’s okay.

2. We don’t save people here.

I am not here to fix anyone, not even myself. I am here to keep growing in community with others who also want to keep growing.
You’re not here to fix anyone either.
Ask before you offer advice. Sometimes we just need to say the hard thing out loud and be witnessed and don’t want to be told what we should have done differently or should do now.
Actually, whenever you type the word “should”, take a pause. We’re going to try hard not to should all over people here.
A powerful way to let someone know you have the capacity, and think you are able to hold space, or have advice is to ask what they are looking for: “Do you want support, ideas, or just someone to sit with you?”

3. Vulnerability is a gift – don’t judge or abuse it.

If someone opens their armour and lets us see their heart inside, honour that for the gift it is.
No advice bombs. No “it’s not that deep” type comments. No centering yourself in someone else’s story. You have the power to keep scrolling if a post doesn’t resonate positively or you can’t respond without judgement.
And yeah, it shouldn’t need to be said but, what’s shared here stays here. Always.

4. You can be messy. But not harmful.

Rage, grief, numbness, confusion, ugly crying—bring it. All of it.
But big feelings aren’t a free pass to cause harm.
No racism, ableism, transphobia, spiritual bypassing, or cruelty.
Message me about anything you think is inappropriate or harmful, even inadvertently.
I’ll privately call the user in to talk about why their words are harmful, and if needed (and the member chooses not to grow or see another perspective) I will remove them.
In that spirit, please don’t gang up on someone for their ignorance or misguided beliefs. We are all working to decondition the misogynistic, consumerist, individualistic ideas handed to us and reinforced by society. We can’t help people identify inherited narratives and limiting beliefs by attacking them.

5. There’s no trophy at the end of healing, or levels along the way.

** Healing is not a competition. **

You don’t need to quote your therapist, or have the perfect language, or feel like you’ve achieved a certain level of healing to participate and have valuable contributions.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
Some of us are just trying to get out of bed.
That counts, is so brave, and you still belong here.

6. You’re allowed to be triggered. You’re also responsible for what you do with it.

Big stuff gets talked about here. Triggering stuff.
If something lights you up in a bad way: Pause. Breathe. Step back.
Take care of yourself before lashing out at someone else.
We all have tender spots that will make us react emotionally. Take a second to reflect on why you’re sharing your words before you respond.
Along with this, use content warnings at the beginning of your post or in the title if you’re sharing heavy shit. (CW: grief, trauma, sex etc.) Respect other users right to choose what content they consume.

7. Don’t use this room to pitch your stuff.

This is a living room, not a stage. No self-promotion, no DMs fishing for clients.
Be here as a person, not a brand.
Additionally, this is a free community. At least this year. It’s about $50 per year to host the site, but I have the smallest storage package right now. I’m teaching myself how to build this on the fly – thanks hyper focus! – so it will evolve with me, but I am still fairly ignorant about web hosting. I honestly don’t know how many forums and posts I can have here before I max out the space, and I can’t afford a bigger package.
If there’s ever a monetary contribution it will be in the form of a ‘tip jar’ to help cover the hosting costs, not a monthly membership or something you HAVE to pay to participate.

8. Come as you are. Not as you think you should be.

You don’t have to be inspirational. You don’t have to be articulate. You don’t have to be okay.
You can show up in a whisper. You can show up in a rage. You can show up mid-breakdown. We’d rather that than fake strength or toxic positivity.

9. I am here to hold the room, not micromanage it.

I’ll step in when something gets out of alignment. Not to boss people around—but to protect the energy we’re building together.
To be clear, however, this is not a therapy space, though, and I am not a therapist. I speak from anecdotal experience, and extensive research, but I’m not certified anything, and I don’t want to be.
This is sacred work to me. Please respect what I’m trying to build here, and try not to take offence if I discuss something with you. I’m still learning how to build this dream. Please be patient with me.

10. I’m in process too.

I might sound confident sometimes. Passionate. Even certain. But I promise you – I’m still learning and evolving too.
I’m open to being challenged, especially with care and with my growth – not shaming me for my ignorance – as the motivation. If I’ve missed something, if there’s another perspective I haven’t seen – bring it. I want this to be a space where all of us, including me, can grow and feel confident to express their discomfort.
I’m not here to be right. I’m here to evolve together.

One Final Thing:

You’re allowed to take up space.

You’re allowed to not know.

You’re allowed to need.

Let’s be messy and brave together. Click “Take a Seat on the Sofa” to create a new user profile.

The sofa’s open, and you’re so welcome here. I’ve saved you a seat.