This poem came in an email for a writing group I had the best intentions taking part in. It resonated deeply and I churned this out in the dark hours of the nights when I couldn’t sleep because of the pain. Those hours and moments are the biggest struggle for me and this time I gave a voice to that.
Like the bird that trills for freedom,
Vision marred, bars encaged,
I sit locked in, watching my life,
When I would rather be engaged.
My Wings clipped and heart aching,
Pain as my perpetual companion,
It’s unforgiving and overwhelming,
And, inevitably, it’s me I abandon.
I left her back in the operating room
The second, or third, time I was there,
She sat in the corner with her tears streaming,
And a finger twirling in her hair.
She believed in magic and whimsy, and
That things would always turn out right.
Freedom naively assumed as hers,
No need for anxiety, angst, or foresight.
Like a bird uncaged and free to fly,
She charted her path recklessly.
Joy and growth her impetus,
Yet I abandoned her jealously.
Mired in pain while breathing,
I understand the caged bird’s trill
Because from here I deeply ache for
“Things unknown but longed for still”
It’s that unknown longing inside,
Amidst a deep dark grief,
That makes me cling to hope,
For growth, change, and relief.